Urban Milan | Date
Urban Milan brings you "Sex and the Single Desi". Urban Milan's writers have researched the 'art of dating' by reading books, attending workshops, conferences, conversing with single Desis, meeting professional matchmakers, attending singles events and is ready to chat with YOU! This forum is a place where all single Desis will have an opportunity to discuss SEX, dating, dating issues within our Desi culture and talking about the element that living and playing in America adds to the dilemmas of dating and being single. Whether you are looking for your soul mate, desiring a one night stand, trying to avoid one night stands, interested in playing the field or simply trying to enjoy going on dates with suitable and interesting partners, we cover it all and then some!
You are invited to email Urban Milan at [email protected] with stories, anecdotes, funny pick up lines you may have heard and of course questions about your dating trials and testimonials about your dating triumphs. This forum is devoted to dating in America -- Urban Milan style.
You are invited to email Urban Milan at [email protected] with stories, anecdotes, funny pick up lines you may have heard and of course questions about your dating trials and testimonials about your dating triumphs. This forum is devoted to dating in America -- Urban Milan style.
 Urban Desi
Urban Desi is your NYC girl. She is bold, confident, in her 30's and is in the Desi dating scene. Urban Desi gains her experience from reading dating books, attending dating workshops, conferences, conversing with single Desis, meeting professional matchmakers, attending singles events like speed-dating and going on countless dates!
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 Urban Diva
Urban Diva is your modern day career-minded Desi American woman. With her own sense of style and sophistication she is able to balance work and play with ease and grace. She is charming and edgy and has a ton of Desi dating experience. From her endless dates with Desi men she has picked up great tips and is ready to share them with you!
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What NOT to do on a First Date
April 27, 2010
By Urban Diva
Dating can be fun and exciting if you meet someone interesting. Dating can also be a terrible experience if you end up on a date with someone annoying or strange. In order to make sure that you are not the Desi described as someone else's horrible experience follow the guidelines below on what NOT to do on a first date IF you want to see your date again!
1. Do not talk about yourself during the whole course of the date. “I am the greatest woman alive, I have so many great qualities, I love myself...”
2. Do not brag. Don’t brag about the items you possess or the number of people that you have slept with. “I drive the most amazing car, and I make a huge amount of money…”
3. Do not be more then ten minutes late for the first date. If you are running late call your date and let him/her know. “I’m sorry I was an hour late, I couldn’t find anything to wear, I hope I didn’t make you wait too long.”
4. Do not look like a bum or a clown. Dress to impress! Make sure to keep up to date with the latest styles. “Bobby showed up for our date in blue and white polka dot pants and a yellow shirt, I was so embarrassed, I’m never going out with him again!”
5. Do not forget to practice proper hygiene. Make sure you smell good. “What is that horrible smell? Is that you or are we near a sewer?”
6. Do not be impolite. Be sure to practice good manners. “Romy seemed like he had great manners in the beginning of our date, he brought me flowers and he opened all the doors for me, as the evening progressed he proceeded to jam his fingers up his nostrils. It was so gross and so rude!”
7. Do not be boring. Think of things to talk about to keep the conversation flowing.. Politics, Career, Sports, Current Events… “Sonia and I were on our first date, we had absolutely nothing to talk about.. I nearly fell asleep on my dinner.”
8. Do not look bored out of your mind! Be interested in what your date has to say and don’t interrupt them. “Every time I discussed any topic with Sunil, he would interrupt me and he also seemed more interested in the conversation at the next table”.
9. Do not embarrass yourself and your date by playing with your food or doing other immature things. “Sam and I went on our first date, when we got our drinks he grabbed both of the straws and put them up his nose, it was horrible, afterwards he made a smiley face out of his fries and hamburger.”
10. Do not eat off another person’s plate. If the person asks you if you want some it is acceptable, but do not start taking food off their plate without asking. “Wow your food looks soo good, I’m all done with mine so I will help you finish all of your food.”
11. Do not flirt with the waitress/waiter. “Hey honey, why don’t you serve me a plate of yourself?”
12. Do not eat every item on your plate and than eye your date’s food. “Wow, you have a big appetite you finished all of your food in less then ten minutes, did you want something else to eat?”
13. Do not disrespect your date. Don’t try to establish intimacy within the first five minutes of your date. “Deep kept stroking my arm all night, it was so annoying.”
14. Do not talk extensively about your ex, or bring pictures or letters of them to show your date. “This is a picture of my ex, her name was Leena, and here is Leena and I on our second date… here is a few of the love letters she sent me…”
15. Do not be cheap! “Sanjay was so cheap, he asked me out to dinner and all he ordered the whole night was a glass of water, when the bill came to our table he ran to the bathroom!”
16. Do not be rude. If you were asked out on a date, offer to pay for your half of the meal or the activity. It is rude not to offer, the person who asked you out should pay but you should at least have the courtesy of offering to pay your half. “I had asked Preeti out for dinner, when the bill came she just stared at me and waited for me to pay.”
17. Do not make a date without a plan. If you ask someone out you should plan out what you want to do on your date. “Neal asked me out on a date, he picked me up and kept asking me what I wanted to do… we drove around for hours trying to decide, eventually I got tired so we decided to go home.”
18. Do not constantly use profanity. “Goddamn that waitress is so damn slow, where’s my goddamn food?”
19. Do not lead your date on. If you do not want to see this person again, make sure you do not give them the wrong impression. “Wow you are the most amazing guy I have ever met, I can’t wait to see you again.”
20. Do not leave your date without making plans to see her again if sparks are flying. "Mark waited two weeks to call me for a second date, since he waited so long I assumed he wasn't interested so I started dating Rahul."
1. Do not talk about yourself during the whole course of the date. “I am the greatest woman alive, I have so many great qualities, I love myself...”
2. Do not brag. Don’t brag about the items you possess or the number of people that you have slept with. “I drive the most amazing car, and I make a huge amount of money…”
3. Do not be more then ten minutes late for the first date. If you are running late call your date and let him/her know. “I’m sorry I was an hour late, I couldn’t find anything to wear, I hope I didn’t make you wait too long.”
4. Do not look like a bum or a clown. Dress to impress! Make sure to keep up to date with the latest styles. “Bobby showed up for our date in blue and white polka dot pants and a yellow shirt, I was so embarrassed, I’m never going out with him again!”
5. Do not forget to practice proper hygiene. Make sure you smell good. “What is that horrible smell? Is that you or are we near a sewer?”
6. Do not be impolite. Be sure to practice good manners. “Romy seemed like he had great manners in the beginning of our date, he brought me flowers and he opened all the doors for me, as the evening progressed he proceeded to jam his fingers up his nostrils. It was so gross and so rude!”
7. Do not be boring. Think of things to talk about to keep the conversation flowing.. Politics, Career, Sports, Current Events… “Sonia and I were on our first date, we had absolutely nothing to talk about.. I nearly fell asleep on my dinner.”
8. Do not look bored out of your mind! Be interested in what your date has to say and don’t interrupt them. “Every time I discussed any topic with Sunil, he would interrupt me and he also seemed more interested in the conversation at the next table”.
9. Do not embarrass yourself and your date by playing with your food or doing other immature things. “Sam and I went on our first date, when we got our drinks he grabbed both of the straws and put them up his nose, it was horrible, afterwards he made a smiley face out of his fries and hamburger.”
10. Do not eat off another person’s plate. If the person asks you if you want some it is acceptable, but do not start taking food off their plate without asking. “Wow your food looks soo good, I’m all done with mine so I will help you finish all of your food.”
11. Do not flirt with the waitress/waiter. “Hey honey, why don’t you serve me a plate of yourself?”
12. Do not eat every item on your plate and than eye your date’s food. “Wow, you have a big appetite you finished all of your food in less then ten minutes, did you want something else to eat?”
13. Do not disrespect your date. Don’t try to establish intimacy within the first five minutes of your date. “Deep kept stroking my arm all night, it was so annoying.”
14. Do not talk extensively about your ex, or bring pictures or letters of them to show your date. “This is a picture of my ex, her name was Leena, and here is Leena and I on our second date… here is a few of the love letters she sent me…”
15. Do not be cheap! “Sanjay was so cheap, he asked me out to dinner and all he ordered the whole night was a glass of water, when the bill came to our table he ran to the bathroom!”
16. Do not be rude. If you were asked out on a date, offer to pay for your half of the meal or the activity. It is rude not to offer, the person who asked you out should pay but you should at least have the courtesy of offering to pay your half. “I had asked Preeti out for dinner, when the bill came she just stared at me and waited for me to pay.”
17. Do not make a date without a plan. If you ask someone out you should plan out what you want to do on your date. “Neal asked me out on a date, he picked me up and kept asking me what I wanted to do… we drove around for hours trying to decide, eventually I got tired so we decided to go home.”
18. Do not constantly use profanity. “Goddamn that waitress is so damn slow, where’s my goddamn food?”
19. Do not lead your date on. If you do not want to see this person again, make sure you do not give them the wrong impression. “Wow you are the most amazing guy I have ever met, I can’t wait to see you again.”
20. Do not leave your date without making plans to see her again if sparks are flying. "Mark waited two weeks to call me for a second date, since he waited so long I assumed he wasn't interested so I started dating Rahul."
The Dating Tool Kit
April 27, 2010
By Urban Desi
Following the Urban Desi guidelines below really pays off in huge dividends. For women, following these guidelines will weed out your Prince from all the frogs out there. For Men, following these guidelines will certainly help keep the lady of your dreams interested...
Urban Desi Women:
1. When a potential hottie calls you, do not stay on the phone for longer then 20 minutes. If he has not asked you out after 20 minutes, in your sweetest voice say “It has been lovely chatting with you, I’ve gotta run..take care” and simply end the conversation. Your time is valuable and you desire a man to get to the point, ask you out and then you can continue chatting away on that first date. After all, why would you want to waste your time on the phone when you could be meeting up for a drink or dinner with someone else?
2. On a first date wear something cute and feminine. Our Desi men in America are used to seeing a woman in corporate gear and on a date they love to see a woman in all her feminine charms. Even if you are meeting him after work, men desire to see you in something soft and girly as they are visual creatures. Whether it is adding a splash of color to your outfit, or taking off your jacket and showing off that lacy top..it will do wonders to feel feminine for you and for the man it will really put the 'WOW' factor into how he views you.
3. Chat about fun, light breezy conversation topics. You can chat about travel, movies, and your passions in life. Stay away from heavy conversations about work and family or past relationships. Remember you may be interviewing him in your head, but do not let him feel as if he is on the “hot seat” for this will be a huge turn off for him. Remember, he feels enough pressure at work, he wants to feel like you are providing him a fun and pleasurable sanctuary where he can just relax and enjoy himself.
4. At the end of a first date, if you have really enjoyed yourself, it is OK to give him a nice kiss or peck on the lips and a big hug and let him know that you enjoyed yourself. Do not ask him if he will call you, or if he wants to make plans to see you, if he is interested he will either ask you out again before you leave the first date or call you in a very short amount of time to ask you out again.
Urban Desi Men:
1. After meeting a lady that you would love to see again and receiving her contact information, CALL her within 2-3 days. No texting, no emails, but a real call goes a long way! Chat with her for a few minutes and then ask her out within 20 minutes else she is going to excuse herself and head off to her next date with another guy. Do not get off that first call without asking her out and making some concrete plans to share drinks or a meal.
2. When you meet her, give her a compliment. You can say “you look beautiful” or perhaps “I love the way your hair looks”, or even "you smell amazing". Remember just as the ladies know that you men fall in love with your eyes, ladies fall in love through their ears, so the authentic yet sweet compliments you offer go a very long way.
3. Be sure to ask her questions about herself and show interest in her life and her passions. A woman loves a man who shows attention to her by asking her questions and not monopolizing the conversation by talking about himself the whole time.
4. If you really dug your date, then be sure to ask her out again by the end of that first date. Then be sure to follow up with a call within 2-3 days and make concrete plans within a week to see her again.
Urban Desi Women:
1. When a potential hottie calls you, do not stay on the phone for longer then 20 minutes. If he has not asked you out after 20 minutes, in your sweetest voice say “It has been lovely chatting with you, I’ve gotta run..take care” and simply end the conversation. Your time is valuable and you desire a man to get to the point, ask you out and then you can continue chatting away on that first date. After all, why would you want to waste your time on the phone when you could be meeting up for a drink or dinner with someone else?
2. On a first date wear something cute and feminine. Our Desi men in America are used to seeing a woman in corporate gear and on a date they love to see a woman in all her feminine charms. Even if you are meeting him after work, men desire to see you in something soft and girly as they are visual creatures. Whether it is adding a splash of color to your outfit, or taking off your jacket and showing off that lacy top..it will do wonders to feel feminine for you and for the man it will really put the 'WOW' factor into how he views you.
3. Chat about fun, light breezy conversation topics. You can chat about travel, movies, and your passions in life. Stay away from heavy conversations about work and family or past relationships. Remember you may be interviewing him in your head, but do not let him feel as if he is on the “hot seat” for this will be a huge turn off for him. Remember, he feels enough pressure at work, he wants to feel like you are providing him a fun and pleasurable sanctuary where he can just relax and enjoy himself.
4. At the end of a first date, if you have really enjoyed yourself, it is OK to give him a nice kiss or peck on the lips and a big hug and let him know that you enjoyed yourself. Do not ask him if he will call you, or if he wants to make plans to see you, if he is interested he will either ask you out again before you leave the first date or call you in a very short amount of time to ask you out again.
Urban Desi Men:
1. After meeting a lady that you would love to see again and receiving her contact information, CALL her within 2-3 days. No texting, no emails, but a real call goes a long way! Chat with her for a few minutes and then ask her out within 20 minutes else she is going to excuse herself and head off to her next date with another guy. Do not get off that first call without asking her out and making some concrete plans to share drinks or a meal.
2. When you meet her, give her a compliment. You can say “you look beautiful” or perhaps “I love the way your hair looks”, or even "you smell amazing". Remember just as the ladies know that you men fall in love with your eyes, ladies fall in love through their ears, so the authentic yet sweet compliments you offer go a very long way.
3. Be sure to ask her questions about herself and show interest in her life and her passions. A woman loves a man who shows attention to her by asking her questions and not monopolizing the conversation by talking about himself the whole time.
4. If you really dug your date, then be sure to ask her out again by the end of that first date. Then be sure to follow up with a call within 2-3 days and make concrete plans within a week to see her again.
The Rules of Internet Dating
April 27, 2010
By Urban Diva
If you are a single Desi then you should be used to the fact that after you hit a certain age-- like 13 -- you get harassed daily about getting married. The ideal thing to do is to not attend any family events and let your parents know that you have decided to switch teams (that will definitely keep them off your back). Unfortunately although that idea sounds perfect it may leak to others that you may be interested in. One solution to finding a "rishta" is to try out Internet dating. There are many sites out there that cater to Desi singles! Back in the day it was taboo to try the Internet dating scene- it was a sign of desperation-- that is no longer the case. If you dare to explore the option of Internet dating -- you should be careful about WHO you meet and HOW you meet. These rules apply to both men and women. Be a smart Desi Dater!
1. Never give out personal information when you meet someone from a chat room or an Internet dating site. This includes address, last name, social security number or any other information that you deem personal. This may sound like common sense however there have been cases where Desi men have stolen identities of women they have dated.
2. If you decide to talk to someone off the Internet it’s best to take their phone number and give them a call first and block your phone number using *67. After you have spoken with them first and you feel comfortable you can always give him/her your phone number. This is especially important when using your home phone number-- your "Internet date" can find your address based on your number and show up at your doorstep.
3. If you do decide to exchange pictures with someone off the Internet, it is always best to ask for two to three RECENT pictures of the individual. Many people send pictures of other people, this would help to ensure that the individual is sending authentic pictures of themselves. You definitely want to be sure that some 80 year-old uncle ji doesn't show up on your coffee date at Starbuck's claiming that it was his picture but taken 50 years ago!
4. Do NOT give out your home phone number or last name before meeting in-person, your home address can easily be found off the Internet by using this information. As stated in Rule #2, be careful about your phone number and your last name. Even though we live in the age of Facebook and Myspace, you should still try to keep some anonymity.
5. If the relationship progresses and you decide to meet someone off the Internet make sure to meet them in a public place. A good meeting place is a restaurant, bar or a shopping mall. Do NOT meet the person at their apartment or invite them to your place.
6. Do not let your date walk you to your car unless you feel that they are not a nutcase. If your date is mentally ill they can either follow you, or note down your license plate number.
7. Do NOT get into your date’s car for any reason; if you are going to another place follow them in your car. You should always be aware that appearances can be deceiving.
8. If you are uncomfortable for any reason-end the date. Do not let anyone convince you to stay out against your will.
9. Do not be pushed to give out any information that you do not want to give out. For instance after meeting the person for the first time if you do not feel comfortable giving out your last name, you do not have to.
10. If you are meeting someone off the Internet in a public place you should let a friend or relative know that you are going to meet someone. Just because the person seems “normal” on the phone does not mean that they are “normal” in person.
11. If you are meeting someone in a location that is in between the both of you, for example the guy is from California and you live in New York and you are planning on meeting somewhere in between, do not decide to share a hotel room with this person. Remember that even if you have been talking to this person for a long period of time, this is the first time you are meeting them.
12. If someone is flying down to see you, you are not required to pay for their hotel bill or their flight. If they send you a bill after your meeting, you are not required to pay unless you both agree to split costs beforehand.
13. If you are not interested in the person that you have met off the Internet, let the individual know, do not lead them on.
1. Never give out personal information when you meet someone from a chat room or an Internet dating site. This includes address, last name, social security number or any other information that you deem personal. This may sound like common sense however there have been cases where Desi men have stolen identities of women they have dated.
2. If you decide to talk to someone off the Internet it’s best to take their phone number and give them a call first and block your phone number using *67. After you have spoken with them first and you feel comfortable you can always give him/her your phone number. This is especially important when using your home phone number-- your "Internet date" can find your address based on your number and show up at your doorstep.
3. If you do decide to exchange pictures with someone off the Internet, it is always best to ask for two to three RECENT pictures of the individual. Many people send pictures of other people, this would help to ensure that the individual is sending authentic pictures of themselves. You definitely want to be sure that some 80 year-old uncle ji doesn't show up on your coffee date at Starbuck's claiming that it was his picture but taken 50 years ago!
4. Do NOT give out your home phone number or last name before meeting in-person, your home address can easily be found off the Internet by using this information. As stated in Rule #2, be careful about your phone number and your last name. Even though we live in the age of Facebook and Myspace, you should still try to keep some anonymity.
5. If the relationship progresses and you decide to meet someone off the Internet make sure to meet them in a public place. A good meeting place is a restaurant, bar or a shopping mall. Do NOT meet the person at their apartment or invite them to your place.
6. Do not let your date walk you to your car unless you feel that they are not a nutcase. If your date is mentally ill they can either follow you, or note down your license plate number.
7. Do NOT get into your date’s car for any reason; if you are going to another place follow them in your car. You should always be aware that appearances can be deceiving.
8. If you are uncomfortable for any reason-end the date. Do not let anyone convince you to stay out against your will.
9. Do not be pushed to give out any information that you do not want to give out. For instance after meeting the person for the first time if you do not feel comfortable giving out your last name, you do not have to.
10. If you are meeting someone off the Internet in a public place you should let a friend or relative know that you are going to meet someone. Just because the person seems “normal” on the phone does not mean that they are “normal” in person.
11. If you are meeting someone in a location that is in between the both of you, for example the guy is from California and you live in New York and you are planning on meeting somewhere in between, do not decide to share a hotel room with this person. Remember that even if you have been talking to this person for a long period of time, this is the first time you are meeting them.
12. If someone is flying down to see you, you are not required to pay for their hotel bill or their flight. If they send you a bill after your meeting, you are not required to pay unless you both agree to split costs beforehand.
13. If you are not interested in the person that you have met off the Internet, let the individual know, do not lead them on.